If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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