so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
