Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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