a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
