Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
