I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
