he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
how drunk are you?
Several
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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