Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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