idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
