Betty ford says i'm here all night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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