Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
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