saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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