you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
