no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
