Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
