At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
