My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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