you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
