i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
