butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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