Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
