Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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