What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
