I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
