wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
