Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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