SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
