hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
