I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
