I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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