I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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