holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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