guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
