hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
