It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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