Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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