We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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