My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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