We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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