today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
