the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
