When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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