ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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