My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
