I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
