I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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