im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
