I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
