After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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