we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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