she looked like the before picture.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
