You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
