I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
